The Perfect Process To Not Use Process Thinking

Mary joined my Not Your Typical Book Club because she loved processes. In her view, negotiating was a skill build of logical process steps and she wanted to expand her skillset as a leader.

Imagine how surprised she was when, in the first chapter of the book Never Split The Difference, she read “I realized that without a deep understanding of human psychology, without the acceptance that we are all crazy, irrational, impulsive, emotionally driven animals, all the raw intelligence and mathematical logic in the world is little help in the fraught, shifting interplay of two people negotiating.”

This new perception got her spinning. She didn’t join to learn about the human psychology nor about the acceptance of our emotionally driven, animal-like human nature. Her comfort zone was a well-marked line highlighted by all intellectual, logical and process driven thinking.

“Give me the steps to the process and I can figure out the rest.” She laughed.

Bringing the emotional side of her being into the conversation was a difficult step for Mary. She has created the perfect process on how to separate her professional (work) life from her personal (emotional) life. As long as she followed her process, she felt like she was…

“What?” someone asked out loud.

“I felt like I was in control. And when something felt off, I went back to the process to check what was off and how to fix it. It gave me the great impression that I have it all under control and all figured out. And that gave me great confidence. Until…”

“Until…?”

“Until my boss told me I needed to develop negotiation skills in order to be considered for the next level promotion. That’s what brought me here. But now, I am not sure about my intentions. I have never thought about learning “emotionally attuned negotiating techniques” that can help me understand my team, my boss, my family, my neighbors and myself better. But I am intrigued and curious at the same time.”

Mary decided to stay and continue her learning.

In my book club we commit to one small action and/or experiment each week.

Thanks to the collective brainstorming, Mary found her “perfect” small experiment. She will draw her “perfect process” on how to use only logic and thinking in dealing with emotional and relationship problems (and failing greatly at it). I cannot wait to see it.